Signs of wit... Pinoy style

BFF Josie's brother passed along the following hilarious commentary about the Philippines' number one asset:  the unsinkable Pinoy wit.  My thanks to Josie and Jim and also to Jim's friend who shared this material.

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FILIPINO  SIGNS OF WIT

Nury Vittachi - THE FAR EASTERN  ECONOMIC REVIEW

This week, we shall take a "reading tour" of  one of the most spirited communities in Asia. The Philippines is  full of word play. The local accent among many Filipinos, in which English words  with "F" are spelled and pronounced with the sound of "P" and V is pronounced as  "B" (because the Philippine alphabet has no letters F or V), is often used very cleverly, such as, the sign in a flower shop in Diliman called Petal Attraction.

Much of the word play in the Philippines is deliberate with retailers and various businesses favouring a play on names of Western establishments and celebrities (Americans, in particular---movie stars and  entertainment personalities, especially). For example, there is a bread shop in Manila called Anita Bakery, a 24-hour restaurant called Doris Day and Night, a garment shop called Elizabeth Tailoring, and a barber shop called Felix The Cut.

Reader Robert Harland also spotted a bakery named Bread Pitt, and a Makatifast-food  place selling "maruya" (banana fritters) called Maruya Carey. Then, there are Christopher Plumbing, and a  boutique called The Way We Wear ; a video  rental shop called Leon King Video  Rental; a restaurant in the Cainta district of Rizal called Caintacky Fried Chicken, a  local burger restaurant called Mang  Donald's, a doughnut shop called MacDonuts, a shop selling "lumpia" (egg roll)  in Makati called Wrap and Roll, and two butcher shops called Meating Place and Meatropolis.

Smart travellers can  decipher what may look like baffling signs to unaccustomed foreigners by simply  sounding out the "Taglish" (the Philippine version of English words spelled and  pronounced with a heavy Filipino accent), such as, at a restaurant menu in  Cebu: "We hab sopdrink in can an in batol" [translation: We have  soft drinks in can and in bottle]. Then, there is a sewing  accessories shop called Bids And  Pises [translation: Beads and Pieces --or-- Bits and  Pieces].

There are also many signs with either badly chosen  or misspelled words, but they are usually so entertaining that it would be a  mistake to "correct" them. A reader named Antonio "Tonyboy" Ramon T. Ongsiako,  (now there's a truly Filipino name), contributed the following interesting Philippine signs and advertisements:

In a restaurant in Baguio City (the "summer capital" of the Philippines):  "Wanted: Boy Waitress"; on a highway in  Pampanga:"We Make Modern Antique Furniture;" on the window of a photography shop in Cabanatuan:  "We Shoot You While You Wait;"  and on the glass front of a cafe in Panay Avenue in Manila : "Wanted: Waiter, Cashier,  Washier."

Some of the notices can even give a wrong  impression, such as, a shoe store in Pangasinan which has a sign saying: "We Sell Imported Robber Shoes" (these could be the "sneakiest" sneakers); and a rental Property sign in Jaro, Iloilo reads:  "House For Rent, Fully  Furnaced" (it must really be hot inside)!

Occasionally, one could come across signs that are truly unique--if not altogether odd. Reader Gunilla Edlund submitted a sign that she saw at the ticket booth in the ferry pier in Davao City in southern Philippines, which said: "Adults: 1 peso; Child:  50 centavos; Cadavers: fare subject to negotiation."

European tourists may also be intrigued to discover two competing shops selling hopia (a Chinese pastry) called Holland Hopia and Poland  Hopia, which are owned and operated by two local Chinese  entrepreneurs, Mr. Ho and Mr. Po respectively--(believe it or  not)!

According to Manila businessman, Tonyboy Ongsiako, there is so much  wit in
the Philippines because ". . . we are a  country where a good sense of humour is needed to survive. We have a 24-hour  comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians  made up mostly of politicians and retiring actors.

How to kill mosquitoes

It is that time of the year when folks like to spend off-work hours in the outdoors.  Bugs, ants and mosquitoes can kill the fun out of camping, picnics and other warm weather activities.

BFF Josie received the following anti-mosquito technique.  Although she hasn't tried it and cannot vouch for its effectiveness, it doesn't hurt to share this information.  Thanks, sistah!

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How to Kill Mosquitoes

At a deck party awhile back, and the bugs were having a ball biting everyone. A man at the party sprayed the lawn and deck floor with Listerine, and the little demons disappeared. The next year I filled a 4-ounce spray bottle and used it around my seat whenever I saw mosquitoes. And voila! That worked as well.. It worked at a picnic where we sprayed the area around the food table, the children's swing area, and the standing water nearby. During the summer, I don't leave home without it....Pass it on.

OUR FRIEND'S COMMENTS: I tried this on my deck and around all of my doors.

It works - in fact, it killed them instantly. I bought my bottle from Target and it cost me $1.89. It really doesn't take much, and it is a big bottle, too; so it is not as expensive to use as the can of Bug-spray you buy that doesn't last 30 minutes.

So, try this, please. It will last a couple of days. Don't spray directly on a wood door (like your front door), but spray around the frame. Spray around the window frames, and even inside the dog house.

It's what you scatter‏

Thanks to BFF Josie's friend, Rollie, for sharing the following tale about spreading seeds of kindness.  I love it because it is a story that rings familiar bells when I was growing up.  Folks were a lot kinder in my young days.  Am I wrong in thinking that the conveniences of modern technology and speedy world we live in (not to mention men's greed for instant profit) are also responsible for making today's humanity less compassionate and kind?

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I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes... I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.

I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes.

Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

'Hello Barry, how are you today?'
 

'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'

'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'

'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'

'Good. Anything I can help you with?'

'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'

'Would you like to take some home?'  Asked Mr. Miller.

'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'

'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'

'All I got's my prize marble here.'

'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller.

'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'

'I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked..

'Not zackley but almost.'

'Tell you what Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy.

'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.

With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever.

When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.

Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket.

Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and
moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.

They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size......they came to pay their debt.'

'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho ..'

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral:

We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself...

An unexpected phone call from an old friend....

Green stoplights on your way to work....

The fastest line at the grocery store....

A good sing-along song on the radio...

Your keys found right where you left them.

Send this to the people you'll never forget. I just did...

If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in way too much of a hurry to even notice the ordinary miracles when they occur.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED!

Living in the Philippines

OK, I admit it... although America has been my home for almost 30 years, I still get homesick for crazy Manila and all the quirks and weirdness of living there.  

Thanks to BFF Josie and her friend Rollie for sharing these funny observations.  Someday I hope to be able to check out if all of the following have a ring of truth.

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Well here it is, the only place on earth...

…Where every street has a basketball court.
…Where even lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

…Where doctors study to become nurses for employment abroad.

...Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

...Where school is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.

...Where call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses.

…Where mutineers get elected senators.

…Where luxury cars are being destroyed.

…Where the press people are the most powerful.

…Where the priest knew everything about politics
...Where you can buy school diploma on the street.

…Where everything can be forged.

...Where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

...Where flyovers bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

…Where people cross the street under the overpass and not using the overpass.
...Where crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

…Where protesters with anti-American sentiments are wearing a pair of Hanes and Levis.

...Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

...Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

...Where people can pay to defy the law.

...Where everything and everyone is spoofed.
...Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger

...Where the honking of car horns is a way of life.

...Where flood waters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the  rainy season.

...Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive
...Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones.
...Where insurance and educational plan do not work.

...Where fast food is a diet meal.
...Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

...Where the definition of traffic is the 'non-movement' of vehicles.
...Where the WWII fighter planes are used for military engagements, and the
   new fighter planes are displayed in museums.
...Where people can get away with stealing billions of pesos, but not a thousand.
...Where being an hour late is still considered punctual.

…Where late departure (ferry or plane) is considered normal.
...Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) -than those employed and their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.

...Where cigarettes and alcohol are necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.

...Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.
...Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment
...Where the government makes the people pray for miracles... and where everyone wants to leave the country!

According to Manila businessmen, there is so much wit in the Philippines because '. . .  we are a country where a good sense of humor is needed to survive.  This is the reason why amazingly Filipinos are one of the happiest people in the world.  We have a 24-hour comedy show here called the government and a huge reserve of comedians made up mostly of politicians and bad actors.

Now I ask you where else in the world would one want to live?

 

Health and Fitness (Part 7: Heart Attacks)

Heart attacks happen to people every day.  The more we are educated on the symptoms, the better we have a chance of getting immediate medical attention.

Thanks to BFF Josie's sister Wilma's friend Ailee for sharing this life-saving information.

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A serious note about heart attacks:  Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting.

Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line.

You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.

Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms.

60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up.

Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.

Health and Fitness (Part 6: Water)

Thanks to Wilma (BFF Josie's sister) for passing on the following invaluable health information shared by her friend Ailee.  Thanks, amigas!

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DRINK WATER ON EMPTY STOMACH

It is popular in Japan today to drink water immediately after waking up every morning. Furthermore, scientific tests have proven its value. We publish below a description of use of water for our readers. For old and serious diseases as well as modern illnesses the water treatment had been found successful by a Japanese medical society as a 100% cure for the following diseases:

Headache, body ache, heart system, arthritis, fast heart beat, epilepsy, excess fatness, bronchitis asthma, TB, meningitis, kidney and urine diseases, vomiting, gastritis, diarrhea, piles, diabetes, constipation, all ey e diseases, womb, cancer and menstrual disorders, ear nose and throat diseases.

METHOD OF TREATMENT

1. As you wake up in the morning before brushing teeth, drink 4 x 160ml glasses of water.

2. Brush and clean the mouth but do not eat or drink anything for 45 minutes.

3. After 45 minutes you may eat and drink as normal.

4. After 15 minutes of breakfast, lunch and dinner do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours.

5. Those who are old or sick and are unable to drink 4 glasses of water at the beginning may commence by taking little water and gradually increase it to 4 glasses per day.

6. The above method of treatment will cure diseases of the sick and others can enjoy a healthy life.

The following list gives the number of days of treatment required to cure/ control/reduce main diseases:

1. High Blood Pressure - 30 days

2. Gastric - 10 days

3. Diabetes - 30 days

4. Constipation - 10 days

5. Cancer - 180 days

6. TB - 90 days

7. Arthritis patients should follow the above treatment only for 3 days in the 1st week, and from 2nd week onward s - daily.

This treatment method has no side effects, however at the commencement of treatment you may have to urinate a few times.

It is better if we continue this and make this procedure as a routine work in our life.

Drink water and stay healthy and active.

This makes sense. The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals not cold water. Maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit while eating!!! Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.

It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed . It will slow down the digestion.

Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

Health and Fitness (Part 5: Fruits and Vegetables)

The importance of eating healthy cannot be over-emphasized.  Having fruits and vegetables in our daily diet is key to maintaining a healthy and, possibly, ailment-free body. 

Thank you, Ailee (BFF Josie's sister Wilma's friend) for sharing the following vital information.

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KNOW ABOUT THE BENEFITS OF HAVING FRUITS AND VEGETABLES  

Health and Fitness (Part 4: Blood Types)

Shared by Ailee (BFF Josie's sister Wilma's friend), the following information is indeed fodder for the brain.  Thanks, ladies!

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Did You Know?  

Blood type and Rh	How many people have it?
O +	40 %
O -	7 %
A +	34 %
A -	6 %
B +	8 %
B -	1 %
AB +	3 %
AB -	1 %

Blood type and Rh	How many people have it?
O +	40 %
O -	7 %
A +	34 %
A -	6 %
B +	8 %
B -	1 %
AB +	3 %
AB -	1 %

 

Does Your Blood Type Reveal Your Personality?

According to a Japanese institute that does research on blood types, there are certain personality traits that seem to match up with certain blood types. How do you rate?

TYPE O	You want to be a leader, and when you see something you want, you keep striving until you achieve your goal. You are a trend-setter, loyal, passionate, and self-confident. Your weaknesses include vanity and jealously and a tendency to be too competitive.
TYPE A	You like harmony, peace and organization. You work well with others, and are sensitive, patient and affectionate. Among your weaknesses are stubbornness and an inability to relax.
TYPE B	You're a rugged individualist, who's straightforward and likes to do things your own way.  Creative and flexible, you adapt easily to any situation. But your insistence on being independent can sometimes go too far and become a weakness.
TYPE AB	Cool and controlled, you're generally well liked and always put people at ease. You're a natural entertainer who's tactful and fair. But you're standoffish, blunt, and have difficulty making decisions.

MOST IMPORTANT INFO NOW: GARDS, MANIKANDAN, 

You Can Receive
If Your Type Is	O-	O+	B-	B+	A-	A+	AB-	AB+
AB+	YES	YES	YES	YES	YES	YES	YES	YES
AB-	YES		YES		YES	YES
A+	YES	YES			YES	YES
A-	YES				YES
B+	YES	YES	YES	YES
B-	YES		YES
O+	YES	YES
O-	YES