It won't hurt to start the month smiling. May the following funnies bring joy to your day...
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
-----
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'
-----
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'
'Better get a bikini,' he replied 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in intensive care.
-----
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked
.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband
replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again.
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a
suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked
.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband
replies.
I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again.
-----
A White guy goes into a bar after a hard day of work and buys a beer.
He holds the can out and shouts, "T-G-I-F."
The Mexican guy sitting next to him buys his beer and shouts, "S-P-I-T."
After the White guy finished his first beer, he buys another and yells
the same thing, " T-G-I-F."
So, the Mexican guy next to him buys another beer and yells, "S-P-I-T."
After his second beer the White guy buys another and shouts, "T-G-I-F,"
and the Mexican guy next to him once again shouts, " S-P-I-T."
The bartender was wondering what in the hell they were both shouting
about, so he asks the White guy, "What in the hell is T-G-I-F?"
The White guy says "Thank God it's Friday."
Then the bartender turns to the Mexican guy and asks him, "Alright man,
what in the world does S-P-I-T mean?"
And the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo it's Thursday."
He holds the can out and shouts, "T-G-I-F."
The Mexican guy sitting next to him buys his beer and shouts, "S-P-I-T."
After the White guy finished his first beer, he buys another and yells
the same thing, " T-G-I-F."
So, the Mexican guy next to him buys another beer and yells, "S-P-I-T."
After his second beer the White guy buys another and shouts, "T-G-I-F,"
and the Mexican guy next to him once again shouts, " S-P-I-T."
The bartender was wondering what in the hell they were both shouting
about, so he asks the White guy, "What in the hell is T-G-I-F?"
The White guy says "Thank God it's Friday."
Then the bartender turns to the Mexican guy and asks him, "Alright man,
what in the world does S-P-I-T mean?"
And the Mexican replies, "Stupid Pendejo it's Thursday."
