It’s finally here… the day many love-struck females have waited for. Personally, I don’t think that the male species are particularly excited about this day for the obvious reason.
The article below arrived in my cyber mailbox last week. I thought I’d pass it along as it does address the Valentine spending issue.
The article below arrived in my cyber mailbox last week. I thought I’d pass it along as it does address the Valentine spending issue.
What to Expect From Men on Valentine’s Day
February 14… Ahhh, such a torturous, gloom-laden date for heterosexual men. Not only is it the darkest of times for us, being that morose period between the close of football season and the commencement of NCAA March Madness, a veritable no-man’s-land of flavorless days and hopeless nights, but it is also the time when the expectations of the fairer sex run high, provoking a dull ache and a gripping sort of pain in the pit of the stomach.
For many men, Christmas is for fun with the kids, and Easter is that day when there’s ham. But Valentine’s Day just doesn’t seem to have been designed with men in mind at all. At least not in the United States Japan
The girls act first, and though I’m not personally fond of that part of the custom, a few weeks later our Japanese friends have what is called White Day, where the men are expected to return the favor. Of course, all the return presents are governed by the code as well. If a man fancies a girl who gave him fine chocolates, then he’s expected to buy her a gift at least twice the value of her initial offering. If he fails to return her gift at all, then he’s not interested. If he gifts her with chocolates of equal value, it’s a consolation prize, for he wishes to dissolve the relationship. Not too shabby a system, really. At least you know where you stand without investing more than the price of a few pieces of candy.
It gets one pondering the issue of value in relationships overall. During the time of Valentine’s Day’s ascension as a romantic occasion, Chaucer was in vogue, and courtly love was all the rage. No doubt the idealization of love and romance had been around for some time, but this was really the period when the whole modern concept of being “in love” originated. What’s often lost in all the poetry is the pragmatic fact that love, relationships, and sex are all part of a value placement system. A kind of sensual economics. Value attribution is not an innate quality or instinctive reaction. Value is ascribed according to need, desire and interest. This factor is always variable. If it weren’t, divorces would never happen, and “happily ever after” would be a viable outcome.
But affection is variable. And on Valentine’s Day, the day of destitution and woe for all “man”kind, a girl is given tangible evidence of just how much value a man places on her particular charms. After all, if a guy really despises this day, or is at best indifferent to it, then any effort he makes contrary to that personal aversion is a pretty fair barometer for how interested he is in pleasing you; a almost failsafe indication as to how well you have seduced, charmed and bewitched him over the past year.
Just out of curiosity, I asked a young friend of mine, a typical red-blooded American lad, what he might do for a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. He shrugged, dullness coming over his blank expression.
“I guess I’d have to do something,” he said. “Take her to dinner… I dunno.”
I then asked, “Well, what if the lady wasn’t just any girlfriend? What if she were, say… Carrie Underwood?” (Knowing that he holds this particular lady as something of an ideal in his mind).
His face blazed at the very prospect and he sat bolt upright. “Well, yes,” he answered. “Then I would have to do something special. Something she’d like. Something just for her…”
See? If you’ve seduced your fellow well, he should react just like that. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t Carrie Underwood. What matters is the value he places on your existence. What it all comes down to is: What do you mean to his life? What do you bring to his world? Or at least what does the prospect of winning you bring to his world? If a woman simply demands affection, thinking she’s entitled to it without work on her part, she’s woefully mistaken. It takes cunning, skill and charm to weave a spell of feminine enchantment. In the end, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and if you snooze then you will lose in life and in love.
So this Valentine’s Day, take a good look at the man in your life. How much thought did he put into honoring you? He might very well hate the day itself, but if you’re the girl he’s pining for, he’ll make the effort to let you know it. If he buys the requisite roses and candy, it’s not a good sign. Because it’s lame. If you find yourself the recipient of a Valentine’s text message, or an obligatory chow down at the Golden Corral, you need to look at increasing your value in your mate’s eyes. Soon. Or decide that the work isn’t worth the effort, and move on. Having said all this, however, let me add that some men are the product of cultures that have no affinity for Valentine’s Day. Keep that in mind when gauging your fellow’s efforts.
And one last thing, for the more pagan oriented… Let's not forget that the real day for lovers to get those erotic juices gushing is February 6, the Festival of Aphrodite… Our Lady Who Started It All. Go forth and drop your togas.
Here’s what I can suggest. Early on in the relationship, a couple must set down the rules. Mutual agreement is important specially in regard to the expectation of gifts given and received. Depending on their finances, gift-giving must be limited to one or two occasions. (I personally would vote for just one really meaningful gift per year.) The occasions when gifts are expected can be the birthday and Christmas… or the birthday and Valentine’s Day... or the birthday and anniversary. On the other times, the couple can simply exchange cards with heart-felt messages, go out and enjoy a meal, or do whatever their hearts desire. A No Gift policy might even put the relationship on a higher plane as it takes away the material aspect that often brings conflict and undue stress. The couple will find it easier to focus on their bonding without the gift-giving worry. Instead of spending outrageous amounts on presents, if the couple is really serious about a future together, the amount should be deposited in a savings account. People in love, think about it!
These are not only hard economic times, loving should come from the heart. Not break someone’s bank!
These are not only hard economic times, loving should come from the heart. Not break someone’s bank!
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